When I was in middle school, I used to want size 0 jeans. My dream came true last year, but not in the way I originally imagined. Due to my gastritis, I lost 35 pounds and bottomed out at 92 pounds last May. As a result, my size 5 jeans didn’t even fit me, and my smaller, size three jeans, still hung loosely on my hips. One day, I went to Goodwill and saw these very cute khaki shorts from American Eagle. I saw they were size 0, but I tried them on just to see. They actually fit, and I was shocked. I’m a size 0?! 

Size 0 misery

Thankfully, unlike gaining weight, you can still (usually) wear your clothes when you lose weight. I had to use a belt with some of my jeans, but thanks to my wide hips, some of my jeans still stayed up fine, even though they were baggy around the legs.

I didn’t actually realize how bad things became until I looked in the mirror one day and saw how loose they were. I could literally grab a fistful of my jeans in my hand. Basically, my legs only filled half of one jean. It was scary.

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Me at camp in August 2016. It’s crazy how loose those shorts are!

As a result of my very thin body, my doctors accused me of developing anorexia. They thought I couldn’t possibly have lost that much weight unintentionally––but I did. That’s how gastritis works. You don’t eat due to all the pain, so you drastically lose weight. Even though I wasn’t actually anorexic, I finally understood what it at least felt like to lose weight quickly and have my clothes fit differently.

At one point, I became so self-conscious when I wore shorts. As you can see from the photo above, my knees were knobby and I looked like a mutant (or so I thought, anyways). My legs also tilted in a bit because I lost some bone density, so my legs were too weak to support my body at times. As a result, I developed quite a bit of knee and ankle pain. To this day, I’m still doing my own PT for my ankles. It’s not fun.

A year made a difference

Despite what happened over the last two years, some of my jeans actually fit tight now due to all the leg muscle I’ve developed from several yards worth of kicking drills in the pool.  I’m really sad because some of my favorite jeans don’t fit anymore, so I have to go buy a bunch of new jeans. Great. As if I’m not already burdened with student loan debt. Hopefully, I’ll stay the same size over the next few years, so the investment will remain worthwhile. It’s kind of nice, however, because I actually need, not want, new clothes.

I can’t even wear some of my favorite dresses anymore, such as this one, because I actually have body fat now! Yes, fat is a good thing!

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I’m really sad I can’t wear this dress anymore. 

Anyways, if you’re suddenly losing weight without trying, please talk to your doctor. This usually indicates the development of an autoimmune condition, and it’s easier if you can nip it in the bud. If not, you’ll suffer the same way I did and experience tremendous pain, which is definitely not fun. Thankfully, those days are behind me, and now I’m physically healthy again, for the most part. You’ll find out the whole story in my book after it releases.

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