I’ve always been a big Tenth Avenue North fan, but I haven’t listened to one of their songs in a while––You are More––and, wow, I’m blown away by how much I identify with the girl in this song. Like the girl, I feel like I can’t hide my shame because it seems like that’s all people see. It doesn’t matter how kind, patient, hard-working, or loyal I am. The moment I mess up, or the moment I tell them I have an anxiety disorder, all I am is trash to them. They don’t want anything to do with damaged goods.
Just as the girl wonders, I constantly think about how I drifted away from the free-spirited person I once was. Until last month, the fear of being unloved also crippled me, to the point where I would think something was wrong with me as a person if I couldn’t please someone.
I often forget who I really am––a child of Christ––and what was done for me. Because Christ has come, I don’t have to worry about my flaws. Through his power, I can do what he has equipped me to accomplish, and he can make a beauty out of my mess. As the song says, it’s about where our brokenness brings us to. Since I have Christ in me, I can forgive those who have made incorrect assumptions about me and still love them, even though it’s hard.
In addition, the girl in the song seems like she was a church kid because she “knows all the answers” and tries to believe what others have told her is true. Similarly, I know all I should care about is how God thinks of me––but God also created us for community, and it’s so difficult to live life with other people who only see a false version of you instead of your true self. Like this girl, I also have rehearsed several lines. When people ask me how I hold my life together, I often say, “Oh, I just trust that God has my back because he’s faithful.” And it’s not that I don’t believe it, but I have to hold a death grip on that truth when I’m going through difficult things because my mind tells me to just give up. Just like that girl, I often become too weak to stand back up when I fall.
I actually took a screenshot of the music video for this song, which features a chalkboard full of lies in the background. Here it is (watch the video for a closer look at all the phrases).
Look at some of those words and phrases: How can I change? Shame. Does anyone care? OCD controls me. Why do I feel so lost? Can anyone hear me? No one notices me. It’s hard to forgive and forget. Suicide? Insecurities. Afraid of letting people down. Not good enough.
We are MORE than poor decisions. We are MORE than the mistakes we made––and that includes unintentional mistakes, which I make a lot of since I have ADHD. Since I’m so right-brained, I think about things in a very different way than most people, and I generally need something explained in a specific way for it to stick in my mind. Otherwise, I need reminders. Some people just don’t get that, and they don’t have the patience to deal with my stupidity––but I know God is still proud of my hard work. We’re MORE than the problems we create.
Friends, I know life is tough, and I don’t have all the answers. However, I hope you can find some encouragement in what I shared and within these lyrics.
Here are the lyrics:
There’s a girl in the corner with tear stains on her eyes
From the places she’s wandered and the shame she can’t hide
She says, “How did I get here? I’m not who I once was,
and I’m crippled by the fear that I’ve fallen too far to love.”
But don’t you know who you are
What has been done for you
Don’t you know who you are
You are more than the choices that you’ve made
You are more than the sum of your past mistakes
You are more than the problems you create
You’ve been remade
Well she tries to believe it that she’s been given new life
But she can’t shake the feeling that it’s not true tonight
She knows all the answers and she’s rehearsed all the lines
So she’ll try to do better but then she’s too weak to try
‘Cause this is not about what you’ve done
But what’s been done for you
This is not about where you’ve been
But where your brokenness brings you to
This is not about what you feel but what He felt to forgive you
And what He felt to make you new